tenchi muyo 
spam is the new shit
I have several newfound friends. They have delectably quixotic names, and they speak in indecipherable jargon the likes of which I have never encountered before except in sweet, inchoate dreams of overloaded balderdash. And guess what? They're humanitarians at heart; magnanimous to a fault. Why, they only have my well-being in mind.
For starters, there's Fay Bowman. I presume it's a she, as far as gender can be applied to such non-entities (they're real to me though, these dear friends of mine.) She begins her e-mail with the header: Have on profligate. Which I'm sure means something; I'm just not sure what. She goes on to say: "THE HOTTEST ALERT!!! Promoting sym: GDKI Price $0..."
And the rest, as they say, is history. Or three full stops in a row, anyway, because I don't dare open up the e-mail in case some malevolent virus with a life of its own somehow hooked itself up onto our correspondence. In today's wild, wild world wide web, who knows? Ms. Bowman, of course, has no affiliation with such random viciousness. If only I can make out what exactly she is trying to convey. Perhaps she is selling stuff for cheap. That proves they go the distance for me. Oh, shiny happy friends. You make me smile.
Eve Alvarez, another newfangled acquaintance, makes her stand on her to wainscoat. She goes on to exhort: "This gem is really moveable. Target sym: GDKI blah blah blah..."
I think she is trying to send me the same message. Could it be something prophetic? Is it a warning of an impending doom set to befall this lovely place wherein we live and breathe, this neon-colored monstrosity we call home, i.e. cyberspace? Probable.
Chip Ingersoll is at limeston (that's really far from here, Chip!) selling Viagra and Valium at $1.25 a pop.
Jody "This one will explode" Delgado begins with: To propaganda it saturnine, showing more than a little misguided dependence to poisonous hearsay, and rightfully telling us to steer clear. I'm sure she's a swell person in real life.
Cathleen Parsons proclaims, I of chalcocite, being a die-hard fan of the periodic table and Isaac Asimov's wonderfully clever science fiction novels.
Olga Pitts dreams of He the perfect, while extolling the virtues of a bull market.
Mallory Fox, stuck in an existential conundrum, asks the rhetorical My canvas the inefficient?
Reba Warner ponders in ocean do carbide, while a close associate Cassie Rivera talks about In select to leftmost, whereas Gena Barber thinks his puffery is expressible, being of the more romantically-inclined.
Tameka Oliver, a closet poet, speaks Of fibration it portend.
Ivy Shannon loves political rumors, telling me to pay attention since, according to her, "Bush can't answer that question", due to "harsh criticism" or something (she may be onto something here).
Jerri Elliot, a good friend of mine, tells me to Be chamberlain to procrastinate while she regards the "characters of all the considerable people..." while Mai Schaffer thinks that there's A millions no importunate. As you can probably tell, she's an optimist.
In discussing "growth and the decline of ancient and modern empires", a favorite topic of mine, Marva Fowler starts off with a queer yet endearing, But in mahoney!
Ricky Hardeno writes about "air traffic controllers" and "small airplanes" in his thesis: We know it'll go off tomorrow. You have to admit, that would make an excellent title for a movie. I hope everything is smooth sailing in the wide open skies, Ricky!
Yes, these are people from all walks of life, from all over the world, sharing stories and interests and being sociable to one another, especially to me. I feel so loved in this large and varied community, building strong bonds between brothers and sisters who believe everyone is equal in buying stocks and viagra in gratuitous amounts, all in the name of friendship. They make me feel special like no one else can.
Indeed, my inbox is filled to the brim every single day of the week. Not a cigarette break goes by without some well-wisher or entrepreneurial compatriot surprising me with something sweet, or funny, or new and exciting and out of this world. Don't you wish you had friends like these?
Only, I wonder what happened to those Nigerian millionaires...
For starters, there's Fay Bowman. I presume it's a she, as far as gender can be applied to such non-entities (they're real to me though, these dear friends of mine.) She begins her e-mail with the header: Have on profligate. Which I'm sure means something; I'm just not sure what. She goes on to say: "THE HOTTEST ALERT!!! Promoting sym: GDKI Price $0..."
And the rest, as they say, is history. Or three full stops in a row, anyway, because I don't dare open up the e-mail in case some malevolent virus with a life of its own somehow hooked itself up onto our correspondence. In today's wild, wild world wide web, who knows? Ms. Bowman, of course, has no affiliation with such random viciousness. If only I can make out what exactly she is trying to convey. Perhaps she is selling stuff for cheap. That proves they go the distance for me. Oh, shiny happy friends. You make me smile.
Eve Alvarez, another newfangled acquaintance, makes her stand on her to wainscoat. She goes on to exhort: "This gem is really moveable. Target sym: GDKI blah blah blah..."
I think she is trying to send me the same message. Could it be something prophetic? Is it a warning of an impending doom set to befall this lovely place wherein we live and breathe, this neon-colored monstrosity we call home, i.e. cyberspace? Probable.
Chip Ingersoll is at limeston (that's really far from here, Chip!) selling Viagra and Valium at $1.25 a pop.
Jody "This one will explode" Delgado begins with: To propaganda it saturnine, showing more than a little misguided dependence to poisonous hearsay, and rightfully telling us to steer clear. I'm sure she's a swell person in real life.
Cathleen Parsons proclaims, I of chalcocite, being a die-hard fan of the periodic table and Isaac Asimov's wonderfully clever science fiction novels.
Olga Pitts dreams of He the perfect, while extolling the virtues of a bull market.
Mallory Fox, stuck in an existential conundrum, asks the rhetorical My canvas the inefficient?
Reba Warner ponders in ocean do carbide, while a close associate Cassie Rivera talks about In select to leftmost, whereas Gena Barber thinks his puffery is expressible, being of the more romantically-inclined.
Tameka Oliver, a closet poet, speaks Of fibration it portend.
Ivy Shannon loves political rumors, telling me to pay attention since, according to her, "Bush can't answer that question", due to "harsh criticism" or something (she may be onto something here).
Jerri Elliot, a good friend of mine, tells me to Be chamberlain to procrastinate while she regards the "characters of all the considerable people..." while Mai Schaffer thinks that there's A millions no importunate. As you can probably tell, she's an optimist.
In discussing "growth and the decline of ancient and modern empires", a favorite topic of mine, Marva Fowler starts off with a queer yet endearing, But in mahoney!
Ricky Hardeno writes about "air traffic controllers" and "small airplanes" in his thesis: We know it'll go off tomorrow. You have to admit, that would make an excellent title for a movie. I hope everything is smooth sailing in the wide open skies, Ricky!
Yes, these are people from all walks of life, from all over the world, sharing stories and interests and being sociable to one another, especially to me. I feel so loved in this large and varied community, building strong bonds between brothers and sisters who believe everyone is equal in buying stocks and viagra in gratuitous amounts, all in the name of friendship. They make me feel special like no one else can.
Indeed, my inbox is filled to the brim every single day of the week. Not a cigarette break goes by without some well-wisher or entrepreneurial compatriot surprising me with something sweet, or funny, or new and exciting and out of this world. Don't you wish you had friends like these?
Only, I wonder what happened to those Nigerian millionaires...
posted by the narcissist at 12:53:00 am
2 Comments:
i have NOT left you stranded! I read your biog after awhile (say, a few days?)and you have written so much! don't know whether to be annoyed or proud. =)
i check in here very few days, and today's entry is especially funny... sounds exactly like the crap i keep getting in the inbox, didn't know they could make one feel so special...
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