tenchi muyo 
big me
I'm finished with my exams, and now I'm free to do anything. But do what, exactly? Be a librarian? A teacher? A mercy relief officer? The money isn't spectacular, but they're all for a greater cause. And I'd be proud to say I contributed something to this greater cause, no matter how little the contribution may be. But knowing me, the chronic procrastinator with performance anxiety, I may end up doing nothing at all. Is it the thought that counts? In such matters, surely not. I am stagnating, nonetheless. Where is my resolve and determination? I do not know.
A sense of foreboding, an ominous latency -- I hate it! I hate the uncertainty, but nothing can provide me the stability I need. Perhaps it is for the best; perhaps this is what I need, or at least deserve. The ghosts of past sins haunting my very soul. A sinner wishing to be a saint; such hypocrisy. I speak of dignity and morality as though I am an expert, but there is no honor among thieves. But I know what it is, and I wish my wife and children -- when I have them later in life -- will live through their lives with virtue. Surely I can hope.
Easy money. Easy come, easy go. But is there anything to proud of? I have no right to judge. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, and I would be last in line. It is just too difficult to accept, the chemically-imbalanced person that I am. And I am ashamed of myself too, for the easy money I make. Or take. Whichever. Lifestyles of the rich and famous which I cannot support, but which I like. And who wouldn't? Sell my soul to the devil and live a care-free life, why not?
But we will all grow older, and I have matured in some ways since my wild partying days. And I am glad to be over and done with, with such insubstantial things. I have to settle down one day, and put aside all the obstacles in my way -- both within and without -- to create a better future for my children, and my children's children. The flesh is weak, and so I cannot do this without guidance. God, grant me serenity. Grant me Your light that I may see the evil of my ways.
A soldier-to-be, in a few months. I hope I will be fighting for a worthy cause. I hope it will bring back my resolve and determination. I hope I will do what is right. Only time will tell. For the moment, I am lost. For the moment, I will keep looking for my moral compass for a sense of direction. May the sword of justice smite evil right between the eyeballs once more.
A sense of foreboding, an ominous latency -- I hate it! I hate the uncertainty, but nothing can provide me the stability I need. Perhaps it is for the best; perhaps this is what I need, or at least deserve. The ghosts of past sins haunting my very soul. A sinner wishing to be a saint; such hypocrisy. I speak of dignity and morality as though I am an expert, but there is no honor among thieves. But I know what it is, and I wish my wife and children -- when I have them later in life -- will live through their lives with virtue. Surely I can hope.
Easy money. Easy come, easy go. But is there anything to proud of? I have no right to judge. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, and I would be last in line. It is just too difficult to accept, the chemically-imbalanced person that I am. And I am ashamed of myself too, for the easy money I make. Or take. Whichever. Lifestyles of the rich and famous which I cannot support, but which I like. And who wouldn't? Sell my soul to the devil and live a care-free life, why not?
But we will all grow older, and I have matured in some ways since my wild partying days. And I am glad to be over and done with, with such insubstantial things. I have to settle down one day, and put aside all the obstacles in my way -- both within and without -- to create a better future for my children, and my children's children. The flesh is weak, and so I cannot do this without guidance. God, grant me serenity. Grant me Your light that I may see the evil of my ways.
A soldier-to-be, in a few months. I hope I will be fighting for a worthy cause. I hope it will bring back my resolve and determination. I hope I will do what is right. Only time will tell. For the moment, I am lost. For the moment, I will keep looking for my moral compass for a sense of direction. May the sword of justice smite evil right between the eyeballs once more.
PLAYLIST
Curbside Prophet -- Jason Mraz
Change The World -- The Offspring
Handbags And Gladrags -- Stereophonics
On Mercury -- Red Hot Chili Peppers
Money -- Michael Jackson
*
posted by the narcissist at 4:39:00 am
1 Comments:
wait, are u talking about the current job that i have?
Post a Comment
<< Home