cri de coeur

Tonight it's cold. Colder than most nights, and a fog has settled outside. The streetlights have been made dimmer, softer; the ring of nebulous orange that hangs around every lamp reveals the hazy smoke that abides by Bernoulli's principle on this windless night. Through the leaves of trees along the tiny road leading to my house, they create shafts of light reminiscent of a scene in any film that tries to evoke nostalgia through soft focus and a filtered lens.

It seemed surreal, on my way to the convenience store to buy a pack of cigarettes, how the fog creates a sense of foreboding, of the unknown, everytime the headlights of a car cresting the other side of the hill that separates my neighborhood from the rest of the world appeared to grow larger, more luminous; a large oval glow of mystery appearing in the dark out of nowhere... it's only a car. I thought this would make a nice backdrop for a film.

It's quiet. Quieter than most nights, with Dad on an overseas trip and my sister on a five-day physical training course somewhere off the coast on a semi-inhabited island. The only sources of loud noise being Mom and the little sister, and they're strangely sedated tonight. No one seems to be interested in watching TV in the living room; all somehow docile. It seems eerily tranquil, like the calm before the storm. I must be imagining things.

It feels like the right time for introspection, to come up with resolutions for the new year that's right around the corner. Of the things that have happened, and tying loose ends. Of the mess that's been made, and putting things back in order. Of noticing the burnt bridges, and mending them one by one. Of finding new meaning in everything, and not letting go. Of casting aside the shadows, and breathing in the sunshine. Of remembering all that's lost, and cherishing the ones that still last.

'Tis the season for twenty blackbirds to be baked in a pie, after all. All the regrets and the missed opportunities, the ex-girlfriends and the lonely nights, the awkward silences and the misspoken words, the anger at your parents and the contempt at those around you, the darkness and the emptiness, the hurtful tears and the weary years, the misunderstandings and the nonchalance, the disappointment and the sadness, the wrong people you've fallen in love with and the ones that didn't matter, the lies and the cold shoulders, the hatred and the disenchantment, the screaming and the silent treatment, the artificial friends and the inconsequential -- bake 'em all in a pie and eat it. It's time to move on.

PLAYLIST

Don't Let Me Down -- Stereophonics

Miles Away -- Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Semi-Charmed Life -- Third Eye Blind

Honey And The Moon -- Joseph Arthur

Ev'ry Time We Say Goodbye -- Robbie Williams